Rediscovering my Faith

16

Just a few weeks after I was born, I was baptized into the Catholic faith. I grew up going to church with my extended family every Sunday, and I attended Catholic school from kindergarten to my senior year in high school. From this I developed a core set of values, and I had a guide to which I tried to follow to live a holy life. Right around the time I started middle school, my immediate family went to church less and less until it seemed we hardly went at all. Honestly, I wasn’t bothered by this one bit because at the time I got absolutely nothing out of going to church. I have always believed in God and tried to please him, but church was not something I felt necessary to do to strengthen my relationship with God. All of this changed, however, when I was on my senior retreat.

There’s not a whole lot I can say about what we actually did on the retreat because I don’t want to give it away to any readers who might still be in a Catholic high school, but I can say that it helped me discover who God really was and what He really means to me. I not only discovered God, but I discovered new parts of myself and was able to gain insight on how other’s perceived me as a person. All in all, it genuinely was the best weekend of my life, and I’m so grateful for it.

After this retreat, I had a new passion for God, and I started going to church every weekend again because I realized church was a way for me to learn more about God, and if nothing else, it was one hour where I left my cell phone (aka connection to the real world) aside, and I was able to focus on my spiritual self. I fell in love with going to church in a way I had never known before.

I continued this way for the rest of my senior year, the following summer, and a few months into my freshman year of college, but slowly, I felt myself becoming less interested in church again. I’d walk out thinking to myself, “Well, that kind of seemed like a waste of my time.” Eventually, I really stopped going all together again.

I never once stopped believing in God or doubted His power and love, but I didn’t feel as close to Him as I once had. So, I went back to church longing to feel His closeness again. I really immersed myself into the scripture and the homily, but to my surprise, I still wasn’t getting anything out of it. The whole mass felt repetitive, rehearsed, and dry. The pews were more empty than I had ever seen them, and there just seemed to be a lack of enthusiasm all together. I really don’t think I can find the closeness I desire in that type of setting.

So now I’m left with the question – what now? I like church, or the idea of church, but I’m starting to think that as I grow older, I need to branch out and experience church outside of the Catholic faith. I’m not at all saying Catholicism is a bad thing. It’s given me so much and shaped me into the person I am today, but it’s also the only faith I’ve ever known, and I feel I’m at a point in my life where I simply want to know what else is out there. All I really want is to find that closeness to God again, and I’m adult enough to know that maybe it lies somewhere outside of the Catholic faith, and I think I’m brave enough to finally find out.

So here’s to a journey that might not be easy or comfortable at first, but a journey that is necessary and will hopefully bring great reward. Who knows, maybe I’ll find that I really am fit for the Catholic church, and I just needed to explore other options to figure that out. I ask for prayers while I rediscover my faith, and I know with the guidance of God, I’ll be just fine.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite prayers by Thomas Merton.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

xo,

Megan LouAnn

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8 thoughts on “Rediscovering my Faith

  1. Leslie says:

    Megan,

    I support your decision completely and I’m proud that your faith in God is strong enough to believe in yourself enough to take this somewhat contraversial journey regardless of what others may think. Exploring life is how we continue to grow as individuals. I love you for what you stand for and for the young woman you’ve become. Keep exploring and growing!

    Love always,
    Aunt Leslie

  2. Taylor Stitt says:

    Megan,
    I had a similar situation. I yearned for a close relationship with God, but Catholicism was not providing that for me. Long story short, I had never had a relationship with God. I’ve always believed in him and have always WANTED to be close to him, but I never was.

    Fast forward to last summer, I attended Crossroads with a friend. It’s COMPLETELY different from Catholic mass, but I loved it. Crossroads is where my journey with God began. I can honestly tell you that it has changed my life. Just a few months after my first service, I chose to be baptized and surrender my life to Jesus. Crossroads is my home now, and so much of what I do stems from there. I go to church there, volunteer there, have friends there, hang out there, etc. It truly is my home. But more importantly, I have a relationship with God, and it continues to grow every day. I’m thankful for this journey I have embarked on, and for the tools I have been given to help guide me.

    This journey can seem impossible at times. You just need to find what works for you. I will say that a strong, encouraging community makes it SO much easier. I’m definitely praying for you, and please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you 🙂

    -Taylor

  3. Traci Krumpelman says:

    I enjoy reading your blog, hon. Your transparency is refreshing. I will be praying for the The Lord to reveal Himself to you in a very personal way. About 20 years ago, I felt spiritually dry and without purpose. A close friend suggested something to me that changed me forever. She told me to pray and ask God to reveal Christ to me and to read the Gospel of John. That was the start of a true faith journey and I have never looked back. God’s Word is where I truly get to know Him. It’s His love letter to me. Maybe you might want to try that, too! Keep searching! Love, Aunt Teaci

    • meganlouann says:

      Thank you so much, Aunt Traci. I hadn’t even thought about turning to the Word of God for help. I will definitely try it out. I really look up to you especially when it comes to faith, so thanks again, it really means a lot!

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