So several of my blog posts have been about how I’ve been desiring to grow my relationship with Jesus and that I was going to explore outside of the Catholic church which I have known and been familiar with my entire life (we’re talking 13 years of Catholic school). I don’t really know what I was expecting, but I think a big part of me thought that by branching out, I’d feel even more confident that the Catholic church was were I belonged. However, that is the farthest thing from what really happened…
I believe it was in early October-ish when I went to my first service at Crossroads – a nondenominational Christian church intended for people who have given up on ‘church’ but not on God. I’d heard so many positive things about Crossroads, and ultimately what really gave me the extra push to go was a school assignment of all things. I had to do an ethnography where I would observe a community gathering that I was not familiar with, so I went to Crossroads. I kid you not, although I was a little nervous and overwhelmed being in such a different environment, I walked out of there honestly feeling like I had finally found something that I’d been missing for 19+ years of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced a few, really powerful moments in my life where I truly felt the presence of God, but I’d never felt such a strong calling from Him than I did that first day at Crossroads.
Every service I’ve been to since (which has been like every weekend possible), I get the same overwhelming feeling of joy that I’m where I’m supposed to be, and God is so happy to have me there. I’ve grown closer to Jesus in just a few short months than I think I have in my whole life. I find myself thinking of Him and how He works in my life randomly throughout each day. I’ve never experienced that before. When I pray, I can sometimes hear what He has to say to me and not just what I have to say to Him. It’s literally one of the coolest things ever, and it’s so hard to explain, but I know it’s Him, and I know He is with me.
Going to Crossroads has not turned me into a perfect Christian woman by any means. I’ve definitely still made mistakes since then, but there’s a huge difference in how I view myself and those mistakes and how I know God views me. I know He forgives me, and each time I make a mistake, it just fuels me to do better because I know God has so much more in store for me. I want to know Him, and I want to please Him, and I’m learning and trying. I understand now that all He asks of me is to honestly try and learn from my mistakes.
There’s still a part of me that feels almost… guilty? for leaving the Catholic church in the dust, and I think maybe it’s just because it really is one of the few things that has remained constant in my life for well, my whole life. Another part of me feels that there’s this sense of ‘Catholic or nothing’ that I’ve grown up with, so it’s a little hard for me to feel okay not claiming myself to be Catholic. But it all comes down to what makes me happiest and where I feel closest to Christ, and for me, that’s at Crossroads.
Finding Crossroads does not mean that my journey to growing closer to Jesus is over. It means that it’s just begun, and I could not be any more excited. I’ve started the devotional Jesus Calling that was a gift from one of my biggest role models, my Aunt Traci, and it is the coolest thing ever. The devotional is written in the 1st person point of view with that person being Jesus, so it feels like He’s really talking to you – like a friend, per say. Like I said, I’m so excited to continue to foster this relationship with Christ. I’m working on cherishing the Catholic church as it was the place where I first came to know Him, but also allowing myself to let go and really immerse myself in this new found place I call home. This has been a huge stepping stone in my life, and I thank you readers for following along with me.
Here are some of my earlier posts on this faith journey:
I’m sure there will be more posts about my journey with Christ in the future, and I thank you again for taking the time to read!